i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
