In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
