I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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