I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize