remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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