Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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