i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
