Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
