We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
