Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
