Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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