I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
