Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
