awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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