My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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