The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
