I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
