oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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