So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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