I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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