Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
