need another drink. this is the easiest way
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
