before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
