my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
