he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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