I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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