T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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