I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
