Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
