Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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