i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
