i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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