I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
