Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
