Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
