i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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