I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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