I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
