dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
