You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
