I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well you can't waste a boner
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
