I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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