Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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