Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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