There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
