there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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