Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is the high leading the old right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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