I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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