if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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