You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
