Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
