I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can't just leave with hair like that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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