she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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