My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i out mim tonsoeep
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