i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
