Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
