Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
