i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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