Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
