I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
