You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
