I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
