party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
