well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
