Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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