I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
