Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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